health & happiness relationships

I couldn’t find my dream dictionary

May 7, 2013

Sunny and overcast

I woke up tangled in sheets of sadness this morning. I had a dream about an old friend. We’ve all had ex dreams, right? Well, this wasn’t an ex-boyfriend — it was an ex-BFF. And I should clarify further: I thought we were best friends. She never felt that way. Anyway, in my dream she invited me to join her sorority, which I’m sure is rife with symbolism, but as a therapist once assured me, dreams like this are not actually about the ex, they’re about you. So, obviously, this means something about me and what I’m working through right now, and I’ve come up with two possibilities.

1. I hate Twitter. I know this seems like a non sequitur, but bear with me. Although I really liked Twitter when I first started using it, I can honestly say that I just don’t get it. I know I’m in the minority here, but on some very basic, fundamental level, I do not understand the rules of the game. I know people will argue that you’re connecting with celebrities people you’d never have an opportunity to meet in real life, but let’s be honest, friends. You’re not. You’re in a one-sided relationship with a whole lotta people who you know don’t and never will.

And seriously, I can’t take the follow/unfollow business anymore. Someone follows you, and if you don’t follow back, they unfollow you. And if you do follow back, they unfollow you. What the heck? You can’t win. Clearly, these people aren’t actually interested in you, they’re just trying to get as many followers as possible to make themselves look . . . successful? desirable? popular? I don’t know. I wish they would just buy some followers. These are not real connections, people. Twitter’s pretty much a forum for the most blatant, flagrant self-promotion probably in the entire world. Now, if you’ve found meaningful connections and made real-life friends via Twitter, I applaud you because you obviously understand something that I don’t. I have a handful of real-life friends from before the Internet who are on Twitter and not on Facebook, so I see some value in keeping the account, but that’s about it.

2. I really need a best friend. The sad part of this is that I have a best friend. Several, in fact. But you all live so far, anywhere from an hour away, or North Carolina. And we’re all busy. (I miss you.) I guess what I really need is a local best friend. A best friend who lives in the same town I do, maybe within a 10-mile radius of my house. My current living situation is less than ideal. Salem is not exactly a hub of culture, and unless you’re really into cars and dive bars, I don’t know how you meet people here. We’re getting ready to move (more on that later because I’m superstitious (not really), and I don’t want to talk about it until it’s finalized), and I love the town we’re moving to because it seems to be populated with my people, but maybe more than that . . . it’s really isolating to be home with kids. Twitter and Facebook are good for staying connected with the outside world, but that’s not real life, and it’s not meaningful, and it’s not really connecting with someone or sharing your real life with them. Online reality is exactly what you want it to be.

I try to make this blog a reflection of my real life by being as honest as possible. I show you the ugly stuff, even though “successful” bloggers will tell you that people really just want to see pretty things. Do they? Isn’t that the whole problem? I felt bad about my post yesterday because it came from a dark place. Well, I’ll be totally honest with you, I’m in kind of a dark place right now. And even though I have learned that most people don’t really want to hear about your darkness, but I feel like it’s disingenuous to paint you a picture of a life that’s all puppies and rainbows when it’s really old, smelly Chihuahuas and overcast. (Come on, I live in Ohio. It’s always overcast.)

Anyway, those are my deep thoughts for the day. It’s a little cold and rainy here today. Scarlett has been interrupting me every 30 seconds since I started writing this. And yes, it’s overcast. Hoping the sun will come out a little later today.

photo credit: Melissa and Scarlett

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1 Comment

  • Reply Jaime May 7, 2013 at 11:19 AM

    Je t’adore, mon meilleure amie 🙂

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