A change in me

January 10, 2013

me and my shadow This is hard. This is just for me. The blog is for “you.” Well, for the readers. It’s actually like writing for an audience. I write specifically with “my reader” in mind, like I’m talking to a friend. I’m trying to talk just to myself right now. This feels weird. Maybe because it’s scarier to be alone with my thoughts.

Anyway, I really feel like I’ve made the right decision in letting go of performing. I feel this incredible sense of relief in not worrying about auditioning, or the color of my hair, or this website, or keeping my résumé up to date, or any of the other million things that I don’t want to worry about anymore. I feel like I have space to breathe.

Music therapy popped into my brain. I’ve looked into a bit. I think that it would be a really good fit for me. I’ve read that many musicians who don’t find music performance or music education a good fit are very happy in music therapy. I want to help people more directly. I believe that theatre can make a difference in people’s lives – it certainly did for me. But I never get to know unless someone tells me. I’d like to help kids, especially kids with disabilities or mental health issues, and I’d like to help older adults, like those with dementia. I can do all this with music therapy.

I felt for a while that I wanted to quit music altogether. But I think maybe I just need a break. I want a career with a creative component. The therapy is the primary focus. I like that.

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