health & happiness

How to Fly Solo: Home Edition

June 9, 2012

It was the most amazing thing. Really. Last night at 4:15 p.m., I found myself home alone. Yes, that’s right: All. By. Myself. I honestly cannot remember the last time that happened. My parents took Scarlett to a friend’s graduation party, and Brian had a study date with himself. That left me (and two dogs, of course) with nothing and everything to do. Glorious. So, here are my tips on how to spend a Friday night flying solo:

  1. Immediately change the channel to anything other than PBS Kids. Preferably find an R-rated movie with lots of sex, violence, and bad words. Or just anything on HBO.
  2. Pour yourself a big glass of wine or steal one of your husband’s fancy microbrews. (Unless you’re pregnant, of course. We don’t live in the 1950s any more. I’m talking to you, Betty Draper.)
  3. Find your nail-polish remover and take off that chipped mess you’ve been sporting since your last pedicure three months ago. Give yourself a fresh coat of paint with the new color you bought at the last pedicure and still haven’t opened.
  4. Eat a few marshmallows right out of the bag. Only if you feel like it. Do this before dinner.
  5. Eat whatever you want for dinner. I dare you not to eat at the table.
  6. Turn the ringer on your landline (if you even have one) waaaaay down. Keep going . . . Okay, just turn the ringer off. That felt good, didn’t it?
  7. Say “Candy! Cookies! Ice cream!” in a loud voice. Don’t spell the words out.
  8. Having reacquainted yourself with adult programming, turn off the TV as well as any other electronic noisemakers. Marvel at the silence.
  9. Finally read that stack of magazines next to your bed that has grown into a second nightstand.
  10. Realize that you’ll start missing your family soon. Squeeze in anything else you really want to do.
  11. Admit to yourself: you miss them.
  12. When they get home, give them big hugs and kisses. Tell them you missed them. Be glad they missed you too.

Any other suggestions? What do you do when you have the house to yourself?

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