health & happiness spirituality

The Illusion of Safety

February 27, 2012

Why do I blog?

I asked myself this question the other day when I was journaling. I’ve been feeling that, on the whole, this blog has become boring and uninspired, from the layout to the content. I’ve been meaning to design a header that would incorporate the main themes of my blog (mommyhood, music, and making it up as I go) for a really long time, but I put it off, mindlessly posting images that have absolutely nothing to do with this blog. I also noticed that I had begun to write safe, easy posts that didn’t delve much past material things or superficial thoughts. Lame, I know. I’ve been maintaining a blog that is largely meaningless to me for quite some time now. And I’m sure if it’s meaningless to me, it’s probably meaningless to you.

Blogging is a little like performing for me; it allows me to share a part of myself with an audience. To me, a thrilling performance is one in which the performer is present, open, and vulnerable. “Safe” performances are almost always boring performances. What’s exciting about watching a performer who doesn’t take risks? Pretty much nothing. I have been closed-off and distant in my writing, and consequently, I’ve become disconnected from you.

The reason I started writing a blog is that I wanted to inspire people by sharing my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. I don’t feel that I’ve been doing that lately. So, I will be more authentic and honest here, even when it’s scary or uncomfortable. I took a step toward this with my last post by speaking from my heart, and for the first time in a while, I heard myself again. After all, I’m not sure that safety isn’t just an illusion anyway.

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